The pitch was plastic but the football wasn’t!

Unless you live in the Gobi Desert or say Brunei (keep reading folks) you will probably be aware thatthere has been rather a lot of rain so far this winter.  There was widespread flooding either side of Christmas and some northern areas such as Carlisle and York have been particularly hard hit bringing misery to many.  As well as impacting upon business life it has also hit sport hard with Carlisle United and Tadcaster Albion’s grounds being flooded.  The sport has rallied around though and both clubs are now back up and running.  Having been to Tadcaster’s ground earlier in the season it was good to see them bounce back, it’s a nice little ground and I can recommend a visit if you are in the area.

Thankfully my home city Hull missed the flooding this time.  There was extensive flooding in 2007 but the media appeared to gloss over this, perhaps because Hull is not as photogenic as some places.  We have had a lot of rain though just how much was brought home to me on Sunday when I was walking home from the KC Lightstream Stadium.  As I walked over the bridge over Holderness Drain I noticed the water level was very high, as high as I can remember.  I must point out that this is a land drain not a sewer; even Hull got rid of open sewers many years ago and the plague cart no longer goes around shouting ‘bring out your dead’.  The carrs of Holderness are very flat and wet but thanks to extensive drainage works carried out in the 18^th Century much of the land is habitable and indeed arable farmland.  All of this water is drained away and is pumped into either the city docks or the River Humber.

The weather has played havoc with local non-league fixtures and on a number of occasions arrangements have been made to attend a game only for it to be called off.  After three such cancellations in eight days I was beginning to wonder when I would next see one.  Hall Road Ranger’s senior county cup game against Hull City was scheduled to take place on Tuesday 16 February when Hull City were playing Brighton, then it was postponed to the following night which meant I could go with Twitter pal Darren ‘Knocker’ Norton.  The rain continued to fall and on the Wednesday the pitch failed another inspection.  Then the emergency plan came into place, with the game being moved to be played on the 3G pitch at Hull City’s Bishop Burton Academy.  Home advantage would be surrendered along with admission and bar income, which are vital to non-league sides, but at least the game would be played and the fixture pile up reduced by one.  Hasty re-arrangement of plans but we had a match to go to!  I had never seen a game on an artificial surface other than on television so was curious to see how it would play out.

Hall Road Rangers 2 (1) Hull City 1 (1)

Wednesday 17 February, Bishop Burton

Attendance 77

Bishop Burton is a lovely picturesque village a few miles from Beverley and there has been an agricultural college based here for many years.  The site has developed somewhat in recent years as the education sector has become liberalised and is now the base for Hull City’s Academy. 

The rain continued to fall throughout the evening and I can confess to being the ‘wally with the brolly’ not that I was on my own amongst the hardy souls on the touchline.  This made the surface very slick and to be fair it seemed a reasonable one to play football on favouring hard, quick passes on the ground.  Yes if the ball was punted up field the bounce may not be what one may expect but would it be any truer on the ‘glue pot’ pitches that we seem happy to play on.  I for one was happily surprised to find myself forgetting about the pitch and concentrating on the game, which was a pretty decent, free flowing one belying the conditions.  Rangers had the better of the first half scoring the opener, a cracker from Darren Rookes.  They then had a chance to double the lead when they were awarded a penalty for handball but Danny Walker’s spot kick was saved by the City keeper.  Then just before the break Tyler Hamilton managed to equalise for City and Rangers were left to wonder what went wrong.

No half time whisky because I was driving but we went indoors for a warm up.  This gave chance for a bit of catching up and non-league gossip.  So much so we missed the restart and the third goal of the game when Danny Walker put Rangers ahead and that’s how it stayed.  The City team was made up of young lads who showed good levels of skill but perhaps it was greater experience and game management that got Rangers home.

So what did I conclude?  Artificial surfaces are here to stay, that there is no doubt and more are being installed.  During the week there were scare stories about the rubber compound causing cancer which is worrying and should clearly be studied and monitored, but I cannot see this having a major impact in the short term.

Having a number 3G pitches to fall back on in the region would clearly be an advantage and allow backlogs of games to be played and save pitches from being destroyed.  Whether there should be widespread digging up of grass pitches for artificial surfaces I am not sure, I think I would want to see more games in differing conditions to be sure even though my view of this game was favourable.

Martha, Josie and the Chinese Elvis by Charlotte Jones

Last night, Saturday 20 February, I decided to forego the Spanish football and pop down to Hull Truck to see a performance of Martha, Josie and the Chinese Elvis.  This is a co production with the Octagon Theatre in Bolton and an excellent show it is.

Josie is a career dominatrix working from her front room.  She is starting to feel past it, her heart is not in it or celebrating her 50^th birthday.

Josie has two daughters; Brenda-Marie who is a bit special, possesses ancient wisdom and dreams of ice dancing and Shelley-Louise who is, ahem, dead.

Martha is the devout Irish cleaner who is more than a little OCD and leaves the house spotless but is she avoiding something?

Lionel is a dry cleaner who is one of Josie’s most loyal clients and has a penchant for wearing ladies clothes.  Moreover is more like a friend to Josie and on finding it’s her birthday decides to lay on an impromptu party at hers.  He arranges for a special surprise of an Elvis impersonator (Elvis being Josie’s idol) from the local kissagram agency.  Timothy Wong is a novice Elvis impersonator, who doesn’t even know all the songs but he is .....The Chinese Elvis.

This is a laugh out loud comedy with adult themes and a few surprises which I will not spoil for you.  Like all great comedies there are serious points too with themes of having the self belief to achieve, the courage to embrace transformation and ultimately redemption.  This is a play that could have you crying with laughter or sadness but ultimately ends with an upbeat feeling.

Christopher Chung is excellent as the titled Elvis playing bewilderment convincingly, but Anna Wheatley steals the show as Brenda-Marie in a demanding role which was nicely judged when it would be easy to over play it.  Overall the cast put in a fine performance.

Its run at Hull Truck continues until 5 March and then it transfers to the Octagon in Bolton from 10 March until 2 April and I recommend you catch it, it’s a quality production and you won’t be disappointed!

Credits:

John Branwell as Lionel

Christopher Chung as Timothy Wong/Chinese Elvis

Isabel Ford as Martha

Natalie Grady as Shelley-Louise

Lynda Rooke as Josie

Anna Wheatley as Brenda-Marie

Director: Mark Babych

Designer: Patrick Connellan

Sound Designer: Matt Cloves

Lighting Designer: Elliot Griggs

Movement Director: Jon Beney

That Dirty Feeling

At around 10:00pm on Monday evening I felt really dirty, my skin crawled and I wanted to scratch.  I don’t think that even sharing a sleeping bag with a diseased tramp and the skankiest crack whore in Britain for a couple of hours could have made me feel worse.  I wanted to jump into the shower with a manly body gel and scrub my body with a rough exfoliating sponge (which all modern men should own) until my skin was pink.  Was I ill?  No, I had just spent 2 hours watching Sky’s Monday night Championship coverage of Leeds United versus Middlesbrough wanting Leeds to get a positive result.

Football fans are a funny lot, even watching a game as a neutral we generally want one team to win.  This may be the underdog, a team that has done your team a favour in the past or just one you admire.  There are more reasons not to like a team though.  There are natural city rivalries like in Liverpool, Manchester, Sheffield and London and just as intense local derbies like Burnley/Blackburn Rovers and Portsmouth/Southampton.  There are also odd rivalries like between Crystal Palace and Brighton caused by some long distant slight.

There are also reasons to dislike a team just because you can.  This could be the nouveau riche like Chelsea or Manchester City or in case of the lower leagues any team that gets a disproportionately large cash injection.  It could be the ‘but we are a big club’ mantra, the haughtiness of Arsenal or the ‘we won the world cup for England’ West Ham United.  Lower league fans tend not to approve of MK Dons the ‘franchise team’.  It could also be down to individuals connected with clubs, such as any team managed by Tony Pulis, Sam Allardyce or Steve Evans.

Manchester United of course are loathed by many and Leeds United suffer from the Dirty Leeds tag of Don Revie’s 1970’s side.  To be fair I had a sneaky liking for the Leeds side of 2000 vintage that lived the dream and played sublime football at times.  Then they crashed and burned and blew it all by being in denial about their fate believing it was undeserved and they should really be in the Premier League.  They have then become a bit of a travesty and my personal view is that promotion will not come until they embrace their true position in the same way Manchester City and their fans did.

It was pure self interest that made me want Leeds United to win; Middlesbrough are close rivals of Hull City for promotion this season and it is very tight at the top.  So was it worth it?  Well Leeds played pretty decent and managed a goalless draw.  Then the following evening...

Hull City V Brighton & Hove Albion

It was perfect conditions, considering the rain which had caused many non-league postponements recently, for what should have been an entertaining top end of the table clash.  Sadly the game was rather niggley never really got going with few chances created.  Brighton had suffered a slump in form in recent weeks and looked to be set up not to lose and City lacked the guile to make a breakthrough.  Brighton did get the ball in the net but it was ruled out for offside.  The most exciting moment came at the death when Cluclas’ shot produced a fine save from  Stockdale who pushed it onto the bar.

This left Hull City at the top of the table two points ahead of Middlesborough who have played one game less.  Not a great result but I suppose at this stage of the season when games come thick and fast one point is better than a morale sapping defeat.

Hull

McGregor, Odubajo, Dawson, Davies, Robertson, Snodgrass (Akpom 72), Livermore, Huddlestone (Hayden 61), Clucas, Diamé (Elmohamady 82)Hernández

Substitutes: Meyler, Maguire, Jakupovic, Akpom, Hayden, Diomande, Elmohamady

Brighton

Stockdale, Bruno, Goldson, Dunk, Calderon, Knockaert (Skalak 86), Stephens, Sidwell, Kayal (Crofts 71), Murphy, Hemed (Baldock 71)

Substitutes: Mäenpää, Crofts, Baldock, Rosenior, Zamora, Lua Lua, Skalak

Referee: Andy Madley

Attendance: 17,321

The Half time dram this time was Old Pulteney 12yo.  This fine whisky is made in Wick and is the most Northerly distillery on the mainland and right on the coast.  It is a personal favourite of mine and was reasonably priced, though has become dearer of late, and it rarely disappoints.  This whisky really brings home the ‘taste o the sea’ and can have a real salty tang to it which makes a nice change from the heavily peated Islay or sherried Speyside whiskies.

A Weekend in Scotland

I must have known Jim getting on for 30 years, first as an auditor and then as a work colleague.  I visited him and his wife Marjory at their home in Barrhead about 10 years ago and have had an open invitation to return and stay for a weekend ever since.  As so often happens life seemed to get in the way and I never got around to taking them up on their kind offer until now.  I decided that 2016 had to be a year of getting things done and so arrangements were made on the one proviso that we spent the Saturday at a football match not fly fishing (his hobby).

So straight after work on Friday I headed up to Barrhead and enjoyed an evening of generous hospitality and catching up on what had been happening.  I also discovered that Scotsmen have a very different concept of what constitutes a ‘small one’ when it comes to malt whisky!  After a few bottles of beer from the local Kelburn Brewery and several ‘small ones’ I retired to bed slightly wobbly and knowing I’d had a drink.

After a breakfast of square sausage and tattie scone in a soft roll, a bracing stroll and spotting this sign it really did start to feel that I was back in Scotland.

So to the football.  The local junior side Arthurlie FC were not playing so we had to go out of Barrhead.  I have already seen the National Side and Scottish Premier football at Pittodrie so I fancied going down the football pyramid.  I didn’t want to go to see a big side so Rangers were out, leaving Greenock Morton, who were at home to Dumbarton making a sort of cross Clyde derby an obvious choice.

              Arthurlie FC

The journey to Greenock was slightly grim, being sleety rain or rainy sleet, hiding what a really nice view along the coast road.  The Scots probably have an expression to describe such weather, just as the Eskimo has 40 ways of describing snow, it seems to me that the Scottish have an endless vocabulary to describe the dour and downright miserable.  As I was to see on the drive back when the weather was cold but fine and clear the view of the snow covered hills and across the Clyde was really quite magnificent.  Greenock, like Port Glasgow is on a strip of land developed along the river bank hemmed in by the Clyde on one side and hills on the other.  Sadly like many areas ‘up North’ the local heavy industry based on ship building and the dock had declined but there were signs of the shoots of redevelopment and new life.

Morton’s ground Cappielow Park is squeezed in there and with its low stands, were it not for the floodlights, it could be overlooked.  We headed for the home section turnstiles and a friendly steward tried to point us in the direction of the away end.  It was then that the penny dropped, Dumbarton were playing in amber and black.  “No mate this is a Hull City scarf” was my response showing him the Tiger badge.  His response was “bloody hell what are you doing up here!  On to the cash turnstiles (there’s a novelty; take note Hull City) with the pretty reasonable £17 admission (£12 for concessions).

Inside it was get a programme (£2) and survey the sight of an old school proper football ground.  Uncovered terraces behind the goal, one with bench seats, best stand with seats to the left and a big covered standing area to the right known locally as the Cow Shed.  It was here we went to stand and more explanations from me as to the temerity of wearing a black and amber scarf in the home section to the amazed locals.

The Cow Shed

The first half started at a brisk pace with Morton taking the upper hand in early exchanges and striking the goal frame twice.  They were missing chances though and the delivery from the left wing could have been better.  Just as I was wondering whether they would allow themselves to be mugged there was a clumsy collision and Nade, who I thought represented the best chance of this happening,  came off worse going down clutching the top of his thigh.  It was a Souness-esque studs rake (Nade showing the referee the hole in his shorts) though with no obvious intent, more of an accident.  There seems to be an unwritten law that a bash to a man’s sensitive areas results in laughter rather than sympathy; only heightened by a female physio coming on to a few choice comments. However she was unable to repair the damage and he eventually limped off.  The stalemate continued until half time, with Morton ‘ahead on points.’

No warming whisky this time, after last night’s session, instead a hot pie.  Scottish food gets its share of critics, yes some of it is not healthy but in moderation bridies, rowies and square sausage are champion and Jim came back with another great, the scotch pie.  These were piping hot with a firm stuffed filling and a slightly greasy lid, so much better than a prawn sandwich!  During the interval some ‘big lads’ came onto the pitch and took penalties.  They were part of a local health initiative backed by the club encouraging mature men to get fit and lose weight.  Most had some way to go but were given encouragement as well as the odd joke and it’s a positive thing to see clubs getting involved in community projects.  Football being a power for good.

The second half was more of the same with Morton making the running and Dumbarton’s best chances being on the counter or set pieces.  The breakthrough came on 64 minutes when Johnson slotted home after a previous shot had been blocked.  From then it was pretty comfortable until McKee got on the end of a slick passing move and put it beyond doubt.

Half way through the second half it occurred to me that there had been no singing and no real chants, just the odd shout of ‘Ton’ or ‘come on Ton’.  What there was though were let’s describe as Anglo Saxon comments towards the pitch.  As players tired and clumsy collisions started to occur that went from a trickle to torrents of abuse and few were spared!  It was like being in a 40 year time warp and funnily enough it seemed good natured or at least not genuinely malicious.  One Dumbarton player who was particularly a target came over to clap the Cow Shed mob at the final whistle and this seemed to go down very well.

All in all a good match with some decent passing football played and well worth the visit.  Next time I am in the area I won’t hesitate to make a return visit.

Then it was back to Jim’s and more hospitality.  A great weekend.

Morton 2 (0) Dumbarton 0 (0)

Johnstone (64), McKee (88)

Morton

McNeil, Pepper, Kilday, Lamie, Russell, Barr (Tidser 87), McKee, O'Ware, McCluskey (Forbes 83), Johnstone (Samuel 90), McManus

Substitutes: Miller, Forbes, Scullion, Tidser, Samuel, McGowan

Dumbarton

Ewings, Buchanan, Barr, Wright, Saunders, Cawley (Heh69), Routledge, Walsh, Docherty, Fleming (McCallum 65), Nade (Gallagher 31)

Substitutes: Brown, Taggart, Gallagher, Kirkpatrick, McCallum, Waters, Heh

Referee: George Salmond

Attendance: 1,595

Hull Kingston Rovers V Castleford Tigers, 7 February 2016

When Hull’s bid to be UK City of Culture 2017 was announced as being successful there was some ridicule from the Metropolitan Elite.  It wasn’t confined to London and the South East, even further North there was some scoffing but probably of the more good- natured sort.  Ironically much of the criticism and putting down of the city comes from people who have never been here.  Hull is a city of culture though and I am confident that we shall show the rest of the UK what they are missing.  It is also a great city of sport with Hull City top of the Championship and two teams in Rugby League’s Superleague.  Whilst they have not sampled much by way of success and trophies they have vociferous and loyal supporters.

Forty years ago I was rugby league mad going to all Hull Kingston Rovers home games and away games when we could organise transport, not easy without a car.  This phase went on until a disastrous challenge cup final defeat against Castleford in 1986.  By then teams were changing from being mainly local lads to a mix of players from all over the North, Australia and New Zealand and more seemed to be playing for themselves (and the cash) than the shirt.  Work and studying for professional exams started to get in the way and so I felt if it didn’t really matter to them then it didn’t matter to me.  Perhaps that was petulance on my part in not moving with the times.  I did occasionally go but I’d lost the bug.

Financial problems then came and the plan became to sell Craven Park the ramshackle but full of character ground on Holderness Road to the Co-op so they could build a supermarket and relocate to a new ground off Preston Road. Funnily enough the location was my old Greatfield High School playing field.  The ‘New Craven Park’ or to give it its official posh title the ‘KC Lightsteam Stadium’ was opened in 1989.  This coincided with a poor period on field but a lot of hard work Superleague status was achieved in 2007.

In the 30 years that have passed since I was last a regular match goer the game has changed significantly and in my opinion often not for the better.  The scrum is a joke and there seems to have been a switch from skill, guile and technique to more power and pure athleticism.  Steveo and Eddie do over do the flogging of the game on Sky, largely by going on about how brilliant Wigan are, but I decided to bury the hatchet this season and get a season ticket.

Today is the first game of the season and seemingly fitting that it should be against Castleford who we gave Wembley victory to on that day 30 years ago.

Before kick-off Andy Bell or Erasure fame came on pitch to sing Respect, the song of theirs which was covered as the official Hull Kingston Rovers Wembley song.  He gave a spirited rendition in the cold weather and was well received by both sets of fans.  Again the 30 year theme coming back with Erasure just starting to become a big time act around then.

The first half started fairly evenly.  Then around ten minutes in the rain started and the swirling wind made conditions very difficult.  My local school days knowledge told me that the wind tends to blow in a Northerly direction and this played a part in my seat selection in the North Stand, row J.  Sure enough the wind blew the rain in under the roof but it didn’t quite reach row J!  On field Castleford were coping better and Solomona went in after a neat move and the try was converted.  Rovers on the whole tackled well but were making too many errors.  They did persevere though and Donaldson force over just before half time.  Mantellato added the extras and they went in 6-6 at half time.

Time for a reviver!  As it was a special day I had a wee dram of something special in my pocket;  Clynelish 14yo.  Not a whisky you see often in supermarkets and one not easy to get much south of £40 a bottle.  Just the sort of thing you need on a cold day!  The taste is vanilla with hints of citrus and a spicy finish but little or no peat. 

The second half started badly for Rovers with a string of mistakes leading to a simple try for Webster a former Red n White himself.  The suitably named Gale added the conversion and Castleford were 6 points up again.  Rovers battled on and were rewarded when a good passing move put Mantellato in at the corner but he failed to add the extra 2 points.  Castleford remained the better side but Rovers tackled well and put up dogged resistance until Webster went in for a second but this time the conversion was missed.  The 6 point lead restored.  Then perhaps the key moment came when Solomona tried to barge his way over for Castleford from a short way out and was held up well by Cockayne who had previously made costly errors in the match.

Rovers looked tired and disorganised but there was still a few minutes to salvage something from the game.  That happened with little more than a couple of minutes to go when Mantellato was sent in at the corner for his second.  As he was teeing up his conversion the klaxon went so he had this kick to salvage a point; which he did.  A point stolen by Rovers and a point carelessly thrown away by Castleford.  The conditions prevented it from being a great game but it proved to be one with some drama.

So what do I conclude from the match? 

Poor game management continues.  On what was a tight match both teams had many chances to drop a goal which would have proved the winner but neither even attempted one.

Rovers need to work on cutting out the errors and trying to speed play up, though the Referee Mr Silverwood didn’t help by being very lenient on Castleford’s holding down in the tackle something he didn’t allow by Rovers.  He remains frustratingly inconsistent.

Sometimes even stealing a draw can feel like a victory!

Hull KR (6) 16

Tries: Donaldson, Mantellato 2 Goals: Mantellato 2

Castleford (6) 16

Tries: Solomona, Webster 2 Goals: Gale 2

Teams

Hull KR: Sio; Cockayne, Minns, Thornley, Mantellato; Blair, Kelly; Tilse, Lawler, Allgood, Horne, Clarkson, Greenwood.  Replacements: Mulhern, Donaldson, Green, Boudebza.

Castleford Tigers: Dorn; Monaghan, Crooks, Shenton, Solomona; Roberts, Gale; Millington, McShane, Cook, Holmes, McMeeken, Jewitt.  Replacements: Boyle, Milner, Moors, Webster.

Attendance: 11,011

Links:

BBC (thanks for the team details) http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/rugby-league/35475053

Hull Kingston Rovers http://www.hullkr.co.uk/

Castleford Tigers http://www.castigers.com/

You ain't seen nothing yet!

"...Wait a minute, wait a minute, you ain't heard nothin' yet"

Al Jolson; The Jazz Singer 1927

"...indeed let us be frank about it – most of our people have never had it so good"

Harold Macmillan; General Election1959

"...Go Ahead Eagles, who the bloody hell are them?"

Peter Fleming; Sky Eredivise coverage 2016

For the armchair football fan of 2016 able to afford satellite TV subscriptions they truly never have had it so good.  There is now live coverage of top level football in England, Scotland, Spain, Italy, France, Germany and the Netherlands.  Add to this the Champions’ League, the Europa League, MLS in USA, Australia, the Football League and National League, the choice is truly bewildering.  Only 40 years ago the only live football we got was the FA Cup final, European finals and the World Cup.  It wasn’t until the late 1980’s that the odd live league match was trialled and of course these were dark days in the English game.  So it wasn’t until Sky invented football in 1992 that regular live football hit our screens and it seems to have increased exponentially since then.  Now on a lazy weekend it is possible to catch 10 live games by making no more effort than pointing the remote control and opening another bottle of beer.  If you follow Go Ahead Eagles then you are well catered for, unlike the Hull City fan of 25 years ago.

The quality of the coverage now is excellent with multiple camera angles and super slow-mo available from cameras all around the stadium.  Gone are the days of a single shaky camera on scaffolding or some dodgy gantry.  Even the pre-match build up and punditry is much better, though I do have regular Twitter rants.

Highlights packages are superb too; we can now see every goal scored in the top four divisions, something unimaginable twenty years ago.  If you followed a division 3 or 4 team then, tough.  If anything there are just not enough leisure hours in the week to watch it all.  I may have to take early retirement soon just to fit it all in, and that’s without Soccer Saturday and the magnificent Jeff Stelling.

So what’s the problem? *nostalgia klaxon sounds*

Sometimes I feel there is just a little over exposure.  As a lad growing up in the 1970’s Kate Bush and Debbie Harry did the same things to our hormones as Rhianna and Miley Cyrus do to the youth of today; only doing it with more clothes on.  In the 1970s and 1980s the chance to see Brazil and their great stars was an event to look forward to and perhaps we appreciated it more because of the wait.  Young fans now can see the stars of Brazil in European league action week in week out and miss a Brazil friendly match, don’t worry there will be another in a month or two.  No longer the pleasure of delayed gratification unless you enjoy the 'suspense' of the transfer window.

Sometimes simple is best.  Lots more live radio coverage is also available but to me nothing will quite compare to the coverage there used to be on radio 2 with the peerless Peter Jones and Bryon Butler.  The actual broadcast quality was abysmal by current day standards, sometimes being relayed over a telephone live but they were so evocative.  They could make teams such as Ujpest Dozsa, Carl Zeiss Jena and Hajduk Split sound glamorous (though often they patently weren’t ) enough to capture a young mind before the Champions League came along and made it a closed shop.

Would I go back to the football coverage?  Not a chance but I do think that young fans of today did miss out on something.

Anyway back to the Rayo Vallecano match on Sky!!