The day I joined the Village People

Anyone who knows me will say that I am partial to a nice piece of head wear.  At football I can be seen wearing a beanie hat, Yorkshire cricket baseball cap or one of those Peruvian hats with ear covers.  For horse racing or holidays I have a nice straw hat.  At work I became rather fond of a denim tea cosy which could be shaped into a rather fetching hat in the Russian style and when we had a particularly shrill female Interim Finance Director a bump hat with attached ear defenders.  In fact I need little encouragement to put something on my head even though I have a good head of hair (for my age) albeit slightly receding at the front.

Recently I have had a hankering for a txapeldun, which is a special Basque beret.  I fear wearing a normal beret would leave me looking like a short, fat Frank Spencer.  Lets face it nobody wants people to go 'oooo Betty' when they see you.  A txapeldun is big, no outrageously big beret.  You can sometimes see them being worn in the crowd at Athletic Bilbao matches, usually by older gentlemen smoking huge cigars.  Just how big a txapeldun can be is probably best illustrated by an episode of The Goodies (from those old enough to remember them!)  In one episode entitled Kung Fu Kapers the lads introduce us the mystical ancient Lancastrian martial art of Ecky-Thump.  I seem to remember Ecky-Thump mainly consisted of men dressed in trousers with big braces, Fair Isle tank tops and ridiculously large flat caps hitting people with Rochdale black puddings (I guess a lot of acid was dropped in the late sixties and early seventies).  A man was reported to have laughed himself to death at this episode.

A txapeldun is about the size of the flat caps worn by The Goodies...

So to todays match when I popped along with John to see North Ferriby United play Stockport County in the Vanarama National League North.  North Ferriby are known as The Villagers (North Ferriby being more village than town) and so wanting them to win would make me one of the Village People!  Sadly no Native Indian headdress, police motor cycle helmet or Stetson today (and under no circumstances leather peaked cap), just a straightforward Beanie hat.

Fat man in a beanie

North Ferriby 2 (0)  Stockport County 0 (0)  Saturday 26 March 2016

Eon Visual Media Stadium

Brooksby (63), Denton (69)
Attendance: 926

The National League North is probably the top level of the part-time non-league game so is a pretty decent standard.  The next step up the National League, which is one step below the Football League, is a serious business and clubs are largely professionally run and the players full time footballers.  The National League contains a number of teams that were in the Football League in recent years and in standard is close to League 2, so think of it as League 3 (or division 5 in old money).

The ground is a decent little one, I have been here before for Hull City Reserves matches, but promotion to the next level will probably require a fair bit of investment in improvements.  Today’s opponents were an established football league side until recent years and this was reflected in the travelling support and the attendance in general of over 900 which brought some atmosphere to the match.

Admission was a reasonable £12 and the match day programme £2 although a bit lacking in content for me.

Humber Bridge in the distance

If the match is dull you can always manage a bit of train spotting










Conditions made playing decent football difficult, with a very strong, gusting wind and angled drizzle.  Much of a combative first half was spent with big punts up field and the ball in the air a lot; both sides being desperate not to concede an early advantage to the opposition.  The feeling was that both sides were above this and that hopefully if conditions would ease a bit then there was the danger of a decent game breaking out.

There were big queues at the refreshments hut but John showed great patience to come back with Bovril and a very decent steak pie.  In half time conversation I remarked to Nick that I couldn’t see a breakthrough and if the side half followed as more of the same we were set for a dire nil-nil, but Nick disagreed.  Shows what I know.

Action at the 'Allotment End'

The second half started much better and North Ferriby quickly produced a bit of a panic in the Stockport box and a goal mouth scramble (oh how we love one of those).  Then Stockport had a decent chance at the other end but headed wide.

North Ferriby broke the deadlock when a nice move was finished off with a powerful strike by Brooksby.  The lead was doubled six minutes later when Denton sprung the offside trap (though we less sure than the assistant referee) and neatly finished.  It was though just reward as he had played very well in attack despite a lot of defensive skulduggery and had produced some fine headed clearances.

Stockport redoubled their efforts to get back into the game in the remaining twenty minutes but North Ferriby used all their experience and showed great composure meaning the result was never really in doubt.

The second half made up for a poor first half and the bracing weather brought a glow to the cheeks.  Now all we needed was England to finish off Sri Lanka in the 20Twenty cricket and Roy’s lads to beat Germany in Berlin to end a great Saturday...not asking for much.

My mistress

I decided to make a conscious effort to embrace Non-League Football this season.  I go to Hull City home games as a season ticket holder, but as I rarely go to away games there are a few spare winter Saturdays that are often just a case of watching football on TV and a few pints in the local social club.  So if I am married to Hull City why not ‘play away’ with the odd mistress on the side?

My first affair was a brief one match stand with Tadcaster Albion in the NCEL Premier Division.  This looks like a cracking little set up and it was a real shame that they were so badly affected by the floods at the end of last year.

Next came two on my doorstep, Hall Road Rangers and Hull United both of NCEL Division One.  

Hull United is a newish team with big, bold ambitions but is perhaps trying to run before it can walk.  This season has been a fraught one for them and they are currently without a ground and having to play out all their home fixtures away.  I managed to catch a few of their games whilst they were playing at the KC Lightstream Stadium, home of Hull Kingston Rovers Rugby League side, but this arrangement sadly proved to be short lived despite them pulling in good attendances .  I hope they can find a suitable home ground for next season so I can catch some of their matches and at this level a nomadic existence is not sustainable financially for a long period.

Hall Road Rangers are a long established small community club running teams for both boys and girls from under 8s to adults.  2015 was a big year for them when they moved grounds from Dene Park to Haworth Park.

The first thing that struck me about Hall Road Rangers was the badge.  Football badges are a very emotive topic for some fans and whilst many of them have changed and evolved over the years it takes a brave man to suggest making a change.  Hull City changed theirs last season, much to the chagrin of many supporters, by dropping the Hull City AFC and replacing it with 1904 the year of the club’s formation.  This was part of the much argued name change and re-brand (more on this another time).  Some badges are brilliantly evocative of the club; others just plain silly as highlighted by When Saturday Comes in their weekly email.  The Hall Road Rangers badge appears to be a Mountie sat on a rearing horse.   Very bold I must say, but in short supply in North Hull where you are lucky to see a Police Community Support Officer.

I’ve been to their ground a few times now and I am starting to be recognised and people connected with the club are stopping for a chat.  Most small clubs at this level are friendly, welcoming places where it is easy to fit in so if you haven’t tried non-league football what are you waiting for.

Hall Road Rangers 6 (2)        Worsbrough Bridge Athletic 0 (0)             Thursday 17 March 2016

J Harrison (4, 90), C Harrison (13), Bennett (84), Kinsley (87), Jones (88)

Attendance: 78

Despite arriving well before kick-off I was unable to get a programme so it was immediately clear that there were more spectators than expected on a Thursday night, which is not a regular football night.  Once inside it was obvious that there were a number of visitors unconnected with either club. A number of ground hoppers had taken the opportunity to ‘tick off’ another ground/club, some coming from the other side of the Pennines which shows dedication.

The match was very entertaining and better than the score line suggested.  Hall Road went into an early lead which was doubled inside the first quarter hour.  Thereafter the game was pretty even until the final 10 minutes when the Worsbrough lads, who only had one substitute, tired.  Both sides showed neat skilful touches but were undone by over eagerness and the bumpy pitch at times.  The Worbrough team which was largely made up of youngsters acquitted themselves well but lacked a cutting edge up from.

It was a confidence boosting performance by Hall Road who like many sides has a bit of a fixture pile up with another league match on the Saturday and a cup semi-final on the following Tuesday.

Hall Road Rangers 0        Yorkshire Amateur 0      Saturday 19 March 2016

Attendance: 54

This match in comparison had plenty of incident but little by goal line action with both teams lacking composure at times, especially in the final third.  The nearest Yorkshire Amateur came to scoring was when a mix up between the Hall Road goalkeeper and defender saw the former’s clearance kick come off the latter but just go wide of the post.  In the second half Hall Road came nearest and hit the bar but generally they cancelled each other out and neither side really looked like scoring.

                               

Sadly I cannot make the cup semi-final on Tuesday, but as it is an International Break at the weekend there is every chance I’ll be seeing a bit on the side on Easter Monday.

Scottish Football

The following is a piece that I wrote for Seasiders Review the match day programme of Bridlington Town AFC

Another Weekend in Scotland

A quick return north o’ the border, this time with Brother in Law John for a quick break before his birthday.  I’d promised him a little trip months ago and after so many local non-league cancellations last weekend seemed as good as any.

It’s a long way so an early start was needed.  We started the journey listening to some back episodes of The Blizzard podcast as I couldn’t face Talk Sport or 5 Live so soon after dawn.  The SatNav instructions kept interrupting the flow of the podcast which led to some amusing breaks such as “...his favourite anecdote was”.. “at the next roundabout go straight on”, bloody good story that one!  After a while though we succumbed to the inevitable and tuned into Talk Sport and endless chatter about the North London Derby.  Apparently a Talk Sport 2 is to be launched soon which will probably delight taxi drivers though you have to worry how thin they can spread their special brand of ‘intelligent debate’.

As the driver I was knackered when we finally reached Stark’s Park, the home of Raith Rovers.  Our first sight was the offices and the Val McDermid stand looming over a wall.  In case you are not a fan, Val McDermid is a crime writer (The Wire in the Blood, and others) who comes from Kirkcaldy.  A quick photo and tweet to Hull crime writer Nick Quantrill and we were off in search of refreshments.  Ten minutes later we almost run into the good lady herself but she was occupied with a group of people so I couldn’t go all fan-boy and ask for an autograph and picture.

Refreshment came by way of a decent pint Orkney Raven ale in the Robert Nairn down the lovely named Kirk Wynd.  I could have happily spent all afternoon supping but we had food to find and football to watch.

Food came by way of the ubiquitous pie from a local baker on the High Street.  John opted for a macaroni one and a chicken one whereas I went for scotch and chicken.  John was a bit apprehensive about the idea of a macaroni pie but after a couple of steaming bites deemed it one of the finest pies he had had.  Praise indeed!  I bit into my piping hot scotch pie and got a squirt of hot fat.  It is one of the mysteries of life that if you dip your finger in something wet two seconds later you have a wet arm up to your elbow.  In this case super heated pie fat up to my elbow; curses followed and some of my pie filling fell onto the pavement.

Stark’s Park is a curious little ground with the away fans sat in the Val McDermid stand behind one goal and the bulk of the home fans sat behind the opposite goal.  There is a main stand which contains the offices, changing rooms and such like but it doesn’t even make it to half way.  On the opposite side is a covered terrace which is being converted to seating, on which was proudly displayed the Raith Rovers flag which appears to be a Lion with a Talbort Sunbeam steering wheel.

The match itself was a very entertaining end to end affair.  The purist would probably argue that there were too many long and aerial balls but to be fair the pitch was heavily sanded by modern standards, which is not conducive to slick passing.  Raith opened the scoring after only three minutes and added a second mid way through the half.  St Mirren battled away and got their reward just before half time, but Raith were good value for their half time lead.

The second half started much as the first did when Hardie quickly grabbed two more to complete his hat trick, all of which were finished well.  They then eased down somewhat, becoming a little sloppy and inviting pressure.  St Mirren required no second invitation and got themselves back into the game on the hour mark.  The tide had turned and as so often is the case when a team eases off they find it hard to raise their game back to the required standard.  This was no exception and St Mirren added a third and were looking for looking for an equaliser.

Back to the car and a short drive over to Glenrothes where our hotel was situated, on a roundabout which being a new town it seems to have in abundance.  All rather confusing in the dark and for some inexplicable reason one wrong turn led to a 30 minute walk taking nearer to 90 minutes.  At least it worked up a thirst and an appetite!

We finally made it to the local Wetherspoon’s pub the Golden Acorn for a few pints and some food.  Unlike their pubs in England they do a Highland Burger which is like a chilli burger but with a haggis toping rather than chilli.  Bloody lovely; we must petition for them down south.

A great day was rounded off with a nightcap in the Fettykil Fox adjacent to the hotel and plans for Sunday morning sightseeing in Edinburgh.

Raith Rovers 4 (2) St Mirren 3 (1)

Hardie (3, 53, 55), Stewart (24)                   Watson (41, 76), Clarkson (61)

Raith Rovers

Cuthbert, Thomson, Toshney, Benedictus, McKeown, Connolly (Anderson 56), Callachan, Davidson, Panayiotou (Matthews 64), Hardie, Stewart

Substitutes: Anderson, Matthews, Thomas, Court, Craigen, Law, Barr

St Mirren

Langfield, Watson, Webster, Baird, Irvine, Gallagher (Gow 56), Mallan, Quinn (Agnew 25), Stewart (Thompson 85), Shankland, Clarkson

Substitutes: Goodwin, Gow, Thompson, Agnew, Cooper, Wilks, McAllister

Referee: John Beaton

Attendance: 1,888